The men of America need help. As author Henry David Thoreau once said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Today, in the US, that’s truer than ever. American men die by suicide 3.6 times more often than their female counterparts. It is estimated that one-third of American men under the age of 30 have no sex, let alone a long-term relationship. Angry, lost, and utterly disillusioned, many men feel invisible.

Modern men, it seems, have forgotten what it means to be a man. What can be done? Let’s teach them how to fight. 

After all, men didn’t just evolve to copulate; they evolved to fight. While women bore children to sustain humanity, men’s bodies were used to fight off invaders, participate in the hunt, and protect the women and children. The king was the king because he could protect best—and it was the children of nobility, not serfs, who learned how to fight and lead cavalry charges. In antiquity, fighting was held in esteem above all other skills; the gravestone of the Greek playwright Aeschylus celebrated his military record and ignored his artistic output.

The pre-Christian world that used The Iliad as its bible well understood the grueling necessity of fighting; since its inception in 776 B.C, the Olympic Games have been synonymous with combat sports like wrestling and boxing. Although few modern day men fight in the nude, fighting is in our DNA. It taps into our most primal of urges. To be a man—Jordan Peterson voice—one must know how to handle himself.

Before I continue, I must make it clear that I’m not advocating for a world in which men go around looking for fights. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m advocating for a world in which men, if provoked, are capable of defending themselves and the ones they love. To better understand this, I reached out to a man who literally fought others for a living: Jon Fitch, former mixed martial artist (MMA) welterweight world champion and native of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Now retired, Fitch currently teaches others how to fight. 

“All men need to know how to fight,” Fitch told me. But not because “we need to be violent and cause injury to others—it’s the process of learning how to fight is what's important. Through the learning process, a man is consistently put in bad positions and forced to fight through them.” In other words, a man must be resilient, resourceful, and capable of extricating himself from tricky and sometimes brutal positions. Learning how to fight is really learning how to cope with the reality of living in this unforgiving world.

[Suicide Forums in a Dying Society]

An ability to overcome adversity, Fitch added, will rid students of anxiety “and help them remain calm under pressure.” Learning how to fight “enables you to make decisions quickly and gives you the ability to cope with bad choices.” Fitch hit me—figuratively speaking, thank goodness—with a truly great point: “The most important reason for a man to know how to fight is that when a man knows how to fight, he is much less likely to get into a fight.” 

The last statement is an important one. Teaching a boy how to fight isn’t about creating a violent monster. It’s about showing him how to carry himself. It’s about equipping him with the tools to confront life-threatening situations in seconds. It’s about training him to think straight when being assaulted by a barrage of punches. To truly prosper, to truly live, one mustn’t just experience physical and mental pain—they must learn how to transcend it. During training, a subtle but significant inner metamorphosis takes place in the body of the fighter, like steel forged in fire. This is why combat sports or some form of self-defense should be an integral part of every young man’s spiritual and physical development. 

As a child growing up in Ireland, I possessed a big mouth but lacked the physique to back up my big talk. After a few beatings at the hands of disgruntled classmates and sadistic seniors, I had no option but to learn how to defend myself. My father enrolled me in boxing classes. Learning the basics of boxing at an early age gave me a newfound confidence—and others a few bruises. Later in my life, when I lived and worked in the South Korean capital of Seoul, I learned the basics of Krav Maga, an Israeli method of self-defense that teaches individuals how to defend themselves in real-life situations (parrying a knife, disarming a gun, etc.). This tightly-choreographed discipline helped build in me knowledge, resilience, and a tougher exterior that I so desperately lacked. 

Which Fighting Style to Learn

We know it’s important for all men to have some knowledge of how to fight. The question is: what fighting style should your child learn? Or, if you’re arriving late to the fighting game, what should you learn?

Before going any further, it’s important to differentiate between martial arts, a type of physical activity with a specific set of rules designed for refereed combat, and self-defense, which is much more raw and designed for the streets, where only the rules of the jungle exist.The most common forms of martial arts include taekwondo, kung fu, jujutsu, judo, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, mixed martial arts (MMA), and boxing. The two most popular forms of self-defense are Krav Maga, an elaborate system developed in the 1950s by Imi Lichtenfeld, a celebrated boxer, wrestler, and gymnast, and the Keysi Fighting Method (KFM), a Spanish street fighting style that teaches individuals how to defend themselves against multiple attackers.

Krav Maga can be great in building confidence, but full-on contact sparring isn’t really available in a sport that teaches you how to perform eye gouges and knee somebody in the nuts. Similarly, KFM, which teaches students how to deliver sharp elbow strikes and powerful head butts, might be a little too brutal for certain folks, especially young children. While I definitely recommend participating in a few sessions of one of these self-defense systems, you will best be able to get “real-life” experience through a martial art.

Boxing is a great choice to learn. In addition to building phenomenal cardio, boxing teaches an individual how to throw a devastating punch. However, if you find yourself in a street fight, and that street fight ends up on the ground like most street fights do, you could find yourself in a world of hurt. Boxing doesn’t really prepare you for the brutalities of street brawls past the initial flurry of punches. Additionally, repeated sparring can do a ton of damage to someone’s brain, similar to the degradation that afflicts football players. Still, boxing is a great foundation for fighting and will build mental and physical toughness.

[The Countere Guide to Resisting Interrogation]

Karate, another time-honored martial art, will teach a person the basics of fighting. Although the Japanese fighting style nurtures a great degree of confidence and inner strength, it doesn’t cover grappling. Similarly, taekwondo, a great workout that teaches the importance of respect and perseverance, has received plenty of criticism due to its lack of emphasis on punching. Of all the martial arts in existence, Brazilian jiu-jitsu is perhaps the most applicable to street fights. The vast majority of street fights end up on the ground; this is what makes Brazilian jiu-jitsu, with its heavy focus on takedowns and pinning opponents, so effective.

Of course, one can also train in MMA, a full-contact combat discipline that incorporates techniques from various combat sports. In MMA, a student is taught all of the above: how to strike, grapple, and take a fight to the ground. However, to become a truly capable MMA fighter, one must show tremendous amounts of dedication. We’re talking many, many years of self-sacrifice. Very few people have what it takes to excel in the world of MMA. For those chosen few, there’s likely an MMA gym or coach in your closest city.

My Recommendation

A polling of active fighters, old heads, and internet forums will show there’s no one ultimate fighting style to learn. Fighters will argue about whether boxing, jiu-jitsu, or krav maga is the definitive “style” to use in a street fight. My recommendation is simply to start learning: enroll your child in a boxing class, or take yourself to the local Brazilian jiu-jitsu gym. As time goes on, you or your son will add new tools to your fighting arsenal; if you’re fortunate, you’ll never have to use them. Like I said above, fighting isn’t just about fighting—it’s about developing the crucial ability to make the right decision in milliseconds when your life depends on it.

While you can never predict the situations you will encounter in life, learning how to fight develops your ability to confront them head-on and quell any fear, cowardice, or pain you naturally will feel. It also builds self-confidence and a tougher exterior. For life, although wonderful in so many ways, is tough. And tough times, as they say, call for tough men. 

Go learn how to fight!

Follow John Mac Ghlionn on Twitter.